Embracing confusion

What is your unique gift to this world?

Apr 08, 2024

Dear Explorer of the Inner and Outer Worlds,

I started writing this letter over a month ago when I first arrived in San Marcos La Laguna, Guatemala.

Most people visit this town located on the shore of lake Atitlán for the many wellness and healing facilities it offers. The narrow pedestrian streets are infused in copal, a sacred resin they traditionally burn in the region to cleanse energy.

There is something magical about this place. The expat community keeps growing as the lake keeps trapping travelers here. Sometimes he’s very gentle, sometimes he doesn’t give a choice. I was told that he also expels you when your time has come. I am waiting for mine.

What seems like a new age invasion, and for some parts is, lies in ancient beliefs. San Marcos is an indigenous town surrounded by 3 sacred mountains, known to protect its spiritual energy.

This is why I came here for. To immerse myself into the Mayan culture and wisdom.

I spent 20 days in ceremony with Lavalove Cacao, connecting with this sacred plant, diving into her history, feeling into her love and power.

I thought I was missing the words to share this experience with you until I realized, earlier today, between two bites of my lomo sandwich, that I had filled 5 notebooks and emptied 2 pens over the past month. It was not so much the words I was missing, but the clarity.

So I decided to embrace that confusion and offer you a first glimpse into this out-of-time-and-space experience.

Breaking open

Six months ago, I felt called to join the next Lavalove Cacao Facilitator Training. They offer it twice a year. It took me a while to surrender to the invitation, but eventually, I left all (perfectly reasonable) concerns aside and decided to follow my heart.

I thought it would be a lovely experience to enjoy a little cup of cacao every day, get some inspiration for my workshops and read by the lake after class.

We drank so much cacao that I was sick for the first two days. I stopped going to the lake 3 days into the training. To this day, the only book I opened is the course manual.

Turned out I was in for some serious therapy. Cacao is a subtle medicine and yet, she is a master plant. She will work through you if you let her. She will take you places you’ve never been. She will show you the depths of your heart. She will break you open in the most loving way. All you have to do, is to give yourself permission to feel.

For at least 7 hours a day for 20 days, together with 35 other students, we sat around the altar, receiving sacred teachings, praying, chanting, crying, laughing. It quickly felt like a family. We held each other in the process. We annoyed each other. We mirrored each other. We loved each other all the way through.

Being presented to the sacred fire on the closing ceremony

Living with the Mayan calendar

The 20 days allowed us to experience the 20 nahuales of the Mayan calendar. These energies, or spirits give a specific purpose to each day. A unique feeling. Each of them is represented by an animal, and we are all given one according to our date of birth.

As you can imagine, the whole system is too complex to be explained in just a few lines, but as you start understanding it and walking with it, you invite new colors in your life.

At first, I wondered how or even if I wanted to talk about it. Cause it is so far from everything we’ve been taught. Or at least, from everything I’ve been taught. How could I explain to western minds the concept of spirit? How could I explain that I had been offering them cacao, flowers, songs, and tobacco? Daily.

Until one afternoon, as I was wandering Hippie Highway, the answer came.

To the Mayan people, everything has a spirit. Days. Animals. Sky. Earth. Mountains. Oceans. Plants. Instruments. Homes. Altars. Songs. Stars. Dreams. And I could go on forever.

To me, to see the spirit in everything is to see life in everything. And to see life in everything is to acknowledge the purpose, the unicity, the identity. If you see life, you see equality, you see reciprocity. You don’t feel so superior as human anymore. You don’t feel so inferior either. Cause you have a spirit too. You have a purpose too. You are here for a reason. What is your unique gift to this world?

This is what I have been working on for the past month. Maybe longer. And slowly but surely, the answers are coming.

Trying to land

Although the training ended almost 2 weeks ago, I am still living in a bubble of cacao, ancient wisdom, conscious movement, live music, and community. I have been trying to pull myself back on Earth but I just keep flying higher every day.

I have been filling my notebooks with thoughts and ideas of new experiences I would like to offer you. I am exploring personal ways to bring together the medicine of Cacao, Mayan Wisdom, and Feminine Embodiment, with respect for each part.

Are you with me?

Let’s grow the community together!

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With a warm embrace,

Aurélie